The Frugie Philharmonic

Never again, that's all I can say. Never again will I play the flute for such a band of bickering Frugies. I try to bring a sense of decorum to this group but I have only so much influence. Peach Velour opens a duet with the spudmeister himself, Rudy Potato. Fine, everything's going well except IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR SONG, the old lunatic, E.J. Cobb hops on stage plucking his fiddle and singing like a senior Garth Brooks on steroids. We suspect the old ear of corn has a hearing problem because he is oblivious to the fact that Rudy and PV are performing. The other Frugies take this as a cue that anything goes and soon Suzie Strawberry, our Valley Girl ballerina, is onstage doing piroettes. Penelope Pear is tinging a triangle. Miss Sweetie Pie is posing as if she's just won the beauty pageant. And Adam Apple is setting up a recruitment table trying to sign Frugies up for a secret mission to Tanzania. "I am acting on orders of the President of the United States," is all he can say when I suggest he set up after the show, not during it. I need to find my pills. Just trying to recount these events is getting to me. I'll pick up later.